Dealing With Painful Situations

There is an old saying that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes. My intent this week is not to dispute or discuss that saying. Rather, I want to add another item that all of us will most likely face once or perhaps many times in our lifetime. As you might guess, I have revealed that particular item in the title of this article - dealing with painful situations.

Early confession - I am not an expert in dealing with painful situations whether I am the one presenting the painful situation to another person, or I am the one on the receiving end of being confronted with a painful situation. Before going further in this article, I believe that this Scripture verse in Proverbs 3:5 is the place we all need to begin prior to confronting or being confronted with a painful situation.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not

on your own understanding."

So that you will know that painful situations have been a part of my life, here are a few of those that have interrupted my life along the way.

• My wife and I have experienced the death of all our parents, siblings, and grandparents.

  Some of these were expected through aging or illnesses but others caught us totally unaware.

• I have had to inform people of deaths, accidents, and even arrests of their family members.

• I have had to have difficult conversations with friends about some situations of which they were unaware and tell employees that their work was not acceptable and even to the point of termination.

• I have been told that the position I thought I was to be employed for was going to someone else.

• As a pastor, I have been told by members that they were leaving our church because another church had a better youth program, music, or shorter sermons.

The list above is not complete, but it is accurate. It simply serves as a real example of some of the painful situations that all of us face. I could have listed things like divorce, the death of a child, filing for bankruptcy, termination of employment, and countless other examples but these have not been part of my life

So how do we deal with painful situations. Proverbs 3:5 was our beginning place. Here are some other thoughts.

• When you are being confronted directly about a painful situation -

  "To answer before listening - that is folly and shame." Proverbs 18:13. None of us can begin to deal with a painful situation until we truly understand what the situation involves. Listening is one of God's great gifts to us. Unfortunately, we spend too much time talking instead of listening to understand how we should respond. Again, another old saying - God gave us two ears and only one mouth so that we could spend two times longer listening than in speaking.

  
  

• When you are the one who must confront someone else about a painful situation -

  "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10. We all have said at times - I wouldn't know what to say. That is a true statement, and that is why we need to turn the situation over to the Lord and allow Him to give us the words, the suggestions, and the comfort and strength that is needed in the situation.

  
  

• When you don't know what the result will be -

  "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7. The truth is that none of us knows the future. Medical diagnoses throw us for a loop because we don't always know whether the recommended treatment will result in a cure or whether the disease will become terminal. Likewise, if we are the ones who must confront another about a painful situation, we don't know what their reaction will be. Remember, God knows what the future holds, so trust in Him to give both you and the other person clarity and understanding to make right decisions and to accept the results.

How do you face painful decisions? Perhaps you have some additional suggestions to add to this list. Several years ago, a Presbyterian minister, Charlie Shedd, wrote several books on family life and particularly regarding children. He said that when he was young, he would speak to groups with a message entitled "How to Raise Your Children." After he and his wife Martha had their first child, he gave the same message with a new title - "Some Suggestions for Raising Children." After their third child was born, that same message was retitled "Feeble Hints for Fellow Strugglers."

The title of this article "Dealing with Painful Situations" might have better been titled "Feeble Hints for Fellow Strugglers." None of us are perfect. We will all make some mistakes along the way in the confrontations of life. Only Jesus is perfect. Our best approach is to stay close to Him and allow Him to be the One who is in control whether we are confronting or being confronted. The key word in this title was painful. Confrontations are usually painful for all who are involved. Allow the Lord to be the One to help bring comfort, peace, and resolution for all who are involved.

May this week be one free of painful situations. But if they arise, may the Lord be the Lord of us all as we deal with them as fellow strugglers.