Marriage - Casual or Committed?

What did these two couples have in common - David and Sarah Hiller and Philipose and Sosamma Thomas? Both couples were married for 88 years. On the other side of marriage the names of Elizabeth Taylor and Zsa Zsa Gabor are easily recognized. Ms. Taylor was married eight times, but Ms. Gabor out did her by being married nine times. While the lesser known couples represent a commitment to marriage, the two well-known actresses represent a very casual view of marriage.

A few years ago my mother was in an assisted living community. At Valentine's the facility hosted a party for the residents. They asked several questions of the residents giving prizes for the best or most appropriate answers. One question was who in the group had been married the longest. The host asked for those who had been married 20 years to raise their hands. He then increased to 30 years and 40 years. Before he could increase the number again, one of the residents interrupted him asking if the total years was to just one husband or to all of her husbands combined.

When we recall the traditional marriage vows that most of us recited, the emphasis is not on a casual view of marriage that resembles a test to see if we like it. Rather, those vows definitely point us to a committed view of marriage. How many of us responded "I Do" to a similar vow like this?

"Do you take this (woman, man) to be you lawfully wedded (wife, husband) for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

A response of "I Do" to the question of that vow is a statement of commitment. I guess if you responded "Maybe" or "I Don't Think Anyone Does That", that would be a very casual approach to marriage. In the first book of the Bible, we find these words about marriage in Genesis 2:24:

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother

and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

In the New Testament, Paul would write to the Ephesians instructions regarding husbands and wives in which he compared their relationship to be similar to Christ and the church. He says that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. He also said that wives should submit to their husbands as to the Lord. These two statements go together - each one making the other possible. After a lengthy discourse on this comparison with Christ and the church, Paul summarizes this view of marriage in Ephesians 5:28.

"Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see

that she respects her husband."

At the end of this week my wife and I will celebrate our 56th Wedding Anniversary. When we said "I Do" at our wedding ceremony, I thought I could never love her more than I did at that moment. Year by year I discovered that I was wrong as my love for her and her love for me continually increased. Many couples don't experience that increase because their approach to marriage is casual. One quarrel, one disagreement, or one argument and the marriage ends. By contrast, when the approach to marriage is commitment, disagreements give opportunity for greater understanding and acceptance of each other.

Because of our ages, I doubt that we will celebrate our 88th Wedding Anniversary as the couples I mentioned at the beginning of this article. However, I am looking forward to our 56th and as many as the Lord blesses us with as long as we both shall live. We are more in love today than every before and tomorrow it will only increase.

This week might be a good time to remind your husband or wife how much you love them.